Thursdays

Thursdays are blackish blue in hue

A silent night with a silver shoe

Thursdays are rainy and cold and sometimes lonely

But they're also quiet and content and cozy.

It's curling up with a good book all warm and snug 

under the covers, in the orange glow of a bed-side light.

As raindrops patter in a soothing rhythm 

against the window panes, this movement

subtly gives way to the soft bliss of fleeting illusions.

Conflict

Hello! I had a fight with my sister tonight. Only, it wasn't really called a fight because somehow the word "fight" has some physical connotations, which our squabble (haha such a cute word, squabble. ) did not. So basically, it was something quite straightforward, where only two parties were involved (she and me) and the problem was very simple. If something is placed somewhere at night but ends up somewhere else in the morning, and there are only two people who share that room, it's most likely that one of them moved it during the course of the night, no? In this case, it was my thing that was moved. Naturally, if i know that i didn't touch it, then my sister must have moved it. So it was with this mindset that I listened to her side of things and obviously, we had a disagreement. She began to raise her voice, with her tone getting harder and her manner more indignant. 'Well', I reasoned, 'if it wasn't me, it's got to be her' and so I listened but didn't believe. Now you must understand that when I brought this matter up, it was simply an observation, with no malice intended on my part; and so I really couldn't understand why she was getting so agitated.

It took quite a while, and a lot of explaining to help me see that what she was upset about was not that I was angry with her for moving my stuff (for I really wasn't) but for my continual insistence that she DID move it even though she had said she didn't. In other words, she was mad that I didn't trust her. And that caught me up short. It didn't even occur to me that it really doesn't matter who moved my cheese (hehehh) but rather, that I should believe my sister when she tells me something that she feels is right, to the best of her knowledge. I shouldn't have let something so small ruffle my feathers and been so hasty to accuse, without considering things from the other person's point of view. If there really is no logical explanation for what happened (not her, not me; but it could only have been one of us) then just let the matter go, and not even think about it anymore. For my relationship with my sister is worth so much more than whatever bit of self-satisfaction I could have gotten from being in the right. All these petty arguments are fleeting and you won't even remember them tomorrow. What you do remember is how you felt and to feel that you love your sister more than the feeling of always being right is something that is priceless. Every relationship is built on trust; and there's no exception to that rule. To look at the big picture and realise what's most important. That's what resolves conflict, both inside and out. 

Confessions

Do you ever feel like you're going to pop? So weary of the world and your responsibilities and just people and like you need things to slow down and let you rest, or catch your breath and collect your thoughts? Well, that's kind of how I feel right now. so tired. I feel like I've been so caught up going through each day and its activities that I've lost track of what's really important and what truly matters. 

I have a confession to make. I've been holding this in so long it's aging me, stretching me to my limit and I feel close to snapping. I'm living two lives. Haha. No, it's not actually as crazy as it sounds. but what I'm trying to say is I behave differently in school than I do at home. Or rather, speak differently and think differently. Does that qualify as keeping up a front? like a facade. That's what it feels like sometimes. And I don't even know how that came about. I just behave how I think other people expect me to. Because if I be myself, people might not understand me or they might judge me and dislike me for that. But is being spurned for what you are better than being disliked for what you pretend to be? At least in the former, you stay true to yourself and you're honest and forthcoming. What are you in the latter? quite hypocritical I would say. I came up with this saying, not long ago that goes "The best answer to Friendship's call is to build bridges, not walls". But now I'm starting to find that that's easier said than done. Sometimes I catch myself thinking "I should take my own advise more often". so hypocritical. That's such a nasty sounding word. Hypocritical. But then there's the other saying, "the truth hurts". and so it does.