Coming into focus

Woahh so much has happened during the lapse between this post and the last.

That's probably the understatement of the century since the gap of 2 years is more like a gaping fissure than a hole. So what have I been up to these past 2 years? Well first off, I'd like to qualify that in my long absence from this space, I've set up quite a number of other blogs and webpages that have served as my outlets of stress relief and creative expression. I hope this doesn't come to the attention of the Blogger authorities, but I actually moved on to explore those other accounts with Wordpress. That said, now that I'm back to using Blogger, I'm liking it a lot more than Wordpress. And I'm not saying that just 'cause.



Blogger is a lot simpler to use, and I like how there is more space for text - meaning I get to type more before I have to scroll down to see what I'm writing. Also, there's colour! Unlike the blue-ish grey interface of Wordpress which, if I were to be completely honest, is rather clinical and cold.

I met up with a friend recently and her amazing razor-sharp sensors picked up that I wasn't in the best frame of mind I could be in. I didn't even know this myself, but she coaxed quite a lot of (as the Chinese say) 心事 or thoughts or heart-troubles (i guess?) and talked me through them. It was stuff I didn't even know I was worried about, but somehow I guess played in the background of my mind, typically drowned out by the many media forms I use to distract myself with. My friend questioned me on whether I had a place to write these things down. These thoughts and worries and emotions. I told her about how I used to journal but stopped. Either because of time commitments or just "not being in the mood" or not having anything interesting to write about. And for that, I got scolded. Hahaa, there's one thing about that friend of mine and that's - being older, she has this aggressive way of caring for me. Almost like an older sister. Anyway, she scolded me for keeping it all in and told me I must must MUST find some place to journal it all down again. So here I am. :)

Bringing it all together, I think that even though I may have those other places to write my thoughts down, I still feel this place is probably the best for personal and more private pieces. Ironic I know because hey, it's still the internet and still up there for all the world to see. But what I mean is that it's familiar. Although still as not-private as the others, it's a place that I feel I can truly express myself. Every time I write in my wordpress account, there is always the nagging need to make it more fancy or interesting or more "hipster"-like so that I get more views; so it appears that I'm moving with the times and can impress those dropping by with my widgets (yes, that is a thing) and whatnots. But truth is, I've been trying to customise so much to what I think others will like that when I write, the words come out stiff and cold. And almost forced. (hmm maybe it has something to do with that blue interface..) When I feel uncomfortable with something I realise I spend a lot of time focusing on the inconsequential details - e.g. the look, fonts, backdrops, header image - and neglect the big picture, or in this case, the meat - the heart and soul behind the the whole blogging experience. The message that's put across.

So my hope as I return to this place, is that it may become my little piece of the big ocean that is the internet that is just for me to pen down my feelings, thoughts and emotions. Hopefully as I write, this blog may become like a roadmap of sorts, leading me through the winding paths of life with the road markers of insight that can only be gleaned in retrospect.